Becoming a mom changes the course of your life in a way that can feel both exhilarating and overwhelming at the same time. Your perspective shifts and, with that, your life goals may shift as well.
Over the past few weeks, we’ve been digging into ideas around creating a vision for our lives and setting goals to help us to achieve that vision.
While setting goals is a very important step in ultimately achieving them, there will also be times when you may need to let go of certain goals in order to live in a more meaningful way. The process of releasing a goal or two can be really empowering when it is done with thought and reflection.
Now, let’s be clear… letting go of a goal is not the same as quitting. Letting go is an intentional practice that allows you to move more freely in your life and the process can help you get much clearer on the vision for your life.
Letting go is like pruning a tree - cutting out the branches that are getting in the way of the healthy growth.
Once the branches are removed, the rest of the tree can accept more light and oxygen, leading to a healthier and stronger life. Sounds nice, right?
But, it can be really hard to let go of a goal.
We’re told our whole lives to never give up on your dreams, and people who achieve lofty goals are viewed as heroes and winners.
So what does it say about those of us who let go of a goal? We may feel like quitters or losers.
Releasing a goal that is not helpful is an act of courage for yourself. And it can save you a lot of wasted time and energy on a goal that no longer serves you.
So, what happens when it’s time to let go of a goal or dream?
How do you know when it is in your best interest to let go of the goal?
And… how do you know you’re giving up for the right reasons instead of just because life feels too overwhelming to make effort towards the goal?
Here are five questions to consider as you determine if you should let go of a goal.
How do I feel when I think about my goal?
Sit quietly with your eyes closed and bring the goal to mind. Fully envision what the goal looks like. What are you doing? Who’s there with you? Where are you?
Now, check in with your body —how does it feel when you think about the goal? The body sensations should appear very quickly; often faster than your thoughts. This is good; just observe how your body feels. You may even write it down (examples: tightness in chest, butterflies in stomach, warmth in heart).
Now imagine yourself NOT working toward that goal. Better yet, imagine letting it go RIGHT NOW. How does your body feel now? Is there a difference?
Your body tells you a lot of information your mind often tries to ignore. Listen to your body.
If you felt warmth in your heart when thinking about your goal, it’s a good sign to stick with it. If you felt tightness and a sick feeling in your stomach, that may be telling you this goal isn’t a good fit (now… or maybe ever).
You do not need to make any decisions at this point. You’re just noticing how you feel as you think about this goal.
2. Whose goal is this, anyway?
It is not uncommon to create a goal based on what someone else wants for your life, rather than what you want for your life.
Everyone in your family was a nurse so you are in school to be a nurse but not sure this is what truly fills you up.
Your family owns a family business and it was expected you’d take it on later in life. Now you’re in the job and questioning your purpose.
You were encouraged (or told) to follow a more “reasonable” career journey than one that may be less secure.
3. Am I letting other great opportunities pass me by?
Sometimes you hang onto a goal for too long because it’s comfortable. In the meantime, you have blinders on that prevent you from seeing great opportunities that may be more aligned with what you want in life now as opposed to whenever you first created the goal.
4. Will accomplishing this goal (and the journey there) add value and meaning to my life?
Think about the outcome you desire by achieving the goal. What are the thoughts and feelings that accompany this goal? If these are positive feelings, could you accomplish these in other ways? If the goal doesn’t feel meaningful right now, is it possible to achieve more meaning in another goal? What would that look like?
5. Are other parts of my life suffering because of my unwillingness to let go of this goal?
You may be so focused on achieving a goal that all other potentially meaningful parts of your life become forgotten or neglected.
Maybe you have a goal of writing a book. As you start writing the first chapters, you realize you don’t really enjoy the process of writing as much as you enjoy connecting with others. Writing a book takes time, perseverance, and a lot of time away from others.
Maybe you modify the goal by joining a writing club where you can discuss your book writing with others. Or maybe you slow down the deadlines of the book so you can lead a life filled with more balance and valuable time with others. Or maybe it’s time to let go of the goal of writing that book and replace it with activities you enjoy more - such as teaching a class at a community center or starting a book club with friends.
After asking yourself those questions, take some time to think about your responses to those questions. It can be helpful to write about your thoughts and feelings or talk with others you trust.
Depending on the goal, you may not need to abandon it completely.You may just need to modify it. Or you may choose to postpone it.
Skydiving was on my bucket list for several years. After I had kids, there was no way I was going to do any high risk activity, so that goal has been postponed until … well, possibly forever.
If you do choose to release a goal, take time to reflect back on it and consider all that you gained by having the goal in your life.
What did it teach you?
How did the goal help you gain more clarity on what your current goals are?
Take some time to thank the goal (or thank God or the Universe if that’s more your style) for bringing the goal into your life as you release it today.
Finally, after you release a goal, take some time to think about your current goals and vision for your life. If you need help with this process, check out this free resource worksheet, Create Your Vision and Goals or read about creating a vision board.
With love,
Jessica
Join the Mama Be Community! For further guidance or support, visit www.drjessicalarson.com and download FREE resources to help you in your journey.
