Why I Stopped Calling Myself a Busy Mom
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a slow runner. I have vivid memories from childhood of being one of the slowest runners in gym class or at sports practices. It was at this time I began identifying myself as a slow runner.
As an adult, after marrying a super athletic husband who runs marathons, I began running races including several half marathons, but I still identified as a non-runner.
Why was I allowing my identity from childhood to continue to define myself as an adult, when my behaviors and habits (i.e., running half marathons) did not support my identity (as a runner) in adulthood?
Our childhood identities run deep. Because I had never shifted my thinking from childhood, I continued to view myself in the same way. Even with a change in behaviors.
In reality, the way we view ourselves very often shapes our behavior and the way we behave shapes our identity. It is a reciprocal relationship.
From “Busy Mom” to “Centered Mama”
Once I became a mother, a similar process happened as I began regularly referring to myself as a “busy mom.”
A few months ago, I stopped referring to myself as a busy mom. I just don’t allow myself to say the words anymore.
Now, any person who objectively looks at my schedule may disagree as I have an active and busy schedule.
But instead of saying: “I’m a busy mom,” I now say: “I’m a centered mom.”
And you know what?
The more I refer to myself as a centered mom, the more I feel like a centered mom. And the more I act in ways that reflect being a centered mom.
I’ve changed my identity (what I call myself) and this has led to behavior changes.
In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear describes a concept called identity-based habits, wherein we start by focusing on who we wish to become rather than what we want to achieve as a way to create better habits for ourselves.
Simply begin by changing the way you identify yourself. And the habits can follow.
Don’t get me wrong - it takes work.
I can’t just say “I’m a centered mom” and sit passively while all good things come to me. I have to act in accordance with my new identity.
Again and again and again.
Until my habits become so natural that I truly become a centered mama.
Can you think of an area in your life where you are doing something like this? I want you to think of an identity you have held for a long time and say it out loud.
For example:
I am not a healthy person.
I am too loud.
I am a burden to others.
And now, if it’s an identity you’d like to change, I want you to change how you describe yourself.
It may mean saying the opposite. Or it may just be reframing it.
For example:
I am healthy.
I am assertive.
I am worthy of love from others.
